| so. |
[06 Jun 2004|05:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Alone |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
M. Ward -- Were You There? |
] |
I'm waiting for September.
I'm waiting for a chance to not say goodbye.
The watery volcano exploded in the land. Believe me now, my good man. I was there but now here I am.
I love Matthew Ward. He is an amazing poet and a hell of a guitar player. But I don't really love him.
I love Caleb Shera. He is everything that I've ever wanted.
// My mom is making me go to Petco. I don't want to. I'll probably cry.
|
|
| cannibals. |
[01 Jun 2004|10:00pm] |
Newish layout. Really, I just changed the colors and put a picture of me owning your life as the background. Yeah, I know. I'm way cooler than you.
I just watched this weird-ass documentary on HBO about cannibalism. I have no idea why I'm so interested in stuff like that... my mom thinks it's strange. She said I was delusional when I rented that movie on Jeffery Dahmer. It's not that I want to kill anyone or anything, holy crap I'd never do that... But I don't know. I want to know why people kill other people. It's interesting, compared to most things that are boring.
Yesterday I couldn't find my rabbit anywhere. He kind of just chills in the house all day, like a cat... but he has to go back in his cage when it gets dark to eat dinner and sleep and stuff... Well I couldn't find him... but he's back. I really thought he had escaped. Too bad. I was hoping he could have an adventure like in a movie.
Caleb = 5 days. Who's excited? Oh yeah, me.
I got an A on my emo research paper and an F on my violence research paper. Fuck that shit... I cried in English. I hope no one saw. I should have gotten such a better grade on my paper.. I hate Mr. Lehneher, officially.
|
|
| Kill me, please. |
[31 May 2004|06:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
missing him. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
weakerthans. |
] |
I'm lonely. The only person that can ever make me truly happy is coming to visit in six days. That was a lie, at least the first part. Other people can make me happy as well. But I think he makes me happy and it's better, because I'm usually sad because of him. It's not that he does anything wrong, ever. He doesn't. He's amazing. And usually I'm okay about the whole distance thing... but sometimes, and especially lately, it's really hard. Maybe it's the rain, maybe it's because I haven't gotten a good nights sleep in a while. Or maybe it's raining and I can't sleep because I miss him so much.
I don't know why I get like this sometimes, it kills me. I have the worst dreams about missing him. I took a nap a few hours ago because I barely slept at all last night... I dreamed about going to a show. I was with all of my friends and we were having a great time, but I was completely miserable because I wanted to go home and talk to him. I just wanted to hear his voice but Kristina's cell phone wasn't working. I got in someones car, everyone was going to play capture the flag in a big park afterwards but I begged them to drive me home. I didn't get to finish the dream because my mom woke me up...
I hate feeling like this, I really do. I should be so fucking happy that I have someone who is completely amazing that really cares about me. He seems so good at this, I don't know how. I cry all the time because I miss him. I can only remember one time that he has, or at least one time that I know about. It was a few days, maybe just one day after he had come to visit for a weekend. He actually stayed at my house that night, which was odd because my parents would never allow that. We were together the whole entire weekend, only apart for the few hours that we actually slept. We had an amazing time, I remember. Nothing went wrong at all. He called me after he had gotten home, he was crying. He kept telling me that he missed me too much. It made me so sad. I hate when he cries. It's the worst feeling in the world, but it's the best to know that he can call me and find comfort in me.
I'm really bad at the whole long distance relationship thing, and I'm fucking ecstatic to know that it's coming to an end. (Not the relationship, the long distance. He's coming to Chicago at the end of the summer.) I can't wait to be with him all the time. I can't wait to see every movie with him and to go out to dinner and to have him with me at shows. I love him more than anything and that's why I'm able to do this... because I love him and I would be nothing without him. I've grown up so much this past year. June 6th, our "official" one year anniversary. Technically, it was about a month ago but who cares. We decided on June 6th. Which is lame, normally I think anniversaries are stupid... but I suppose it's something special.
|
|
| kiss me. |
[26 May 2004|10:32pm] |
chasing amy.
I love you more than anything in the world.
What a dumb picture. I still love you.
|
|
| fucked up, yet again. |
[22 May 2004|10:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
not good. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
acoustic sublime. |
] |
I had a really bad day. Tomorrow will be better, I promise. I'm calling Caleb really early and waking him up just because I want to. I'll probably be up by 8... so I'll wake him up at 10. He better love it.
I ended up not going to the show tonight. I really wanted to, but I didn't. Mainly for the reason to talk to Caleb but he hung out with Ryan tonight... which is totally cool. But I just needed someone to talk to.
I feel like sneaking out tonight with someone for coffee. Over coffee things just tend to come out. Even if you don't want them to. Even if it seems too cliche to talk while drinking coffee. It always happens. I can say anything I want if I'm sitting across from another intelligent being while drinking coffee. I hate the fact that it's so over done, but then again I love it. Since when have I ever been original?
Ugh.
I don't feel well at all tonight. I'm not sure why. I guess I just really had a horrible day.
Sorry for the pointless entry. Fuck you.
[[[[let's go undercover like young lovers should. because I could kiss you better than this letter could.]]]]
|
|
| HARDCORE SHOW. |
[22 May 2004|10:56am] |
|
I was way too tired last night to update with all these pictures. But now I have to because I took a lot. (Only two, you'll notice, of bands.) Yeah. The music last night was more of a soundtrack to the evening than anything else. I was barely paying attention to them. Which is unlike me because the only reason I go to shows is to see the bands. But it's okay because I had a really good time last night. It was easily one of the best shows I've been to in a long time. I only hope the show tonight at TF North is as good. (If I even go.)
Forgive me, I found it impossible to take a non-blurry picture all night.
( we're so hardcore. )
Sorry for all the pictures, but whatevs.
It was nice seeing everyone and finally meeting a few people.
Come to the show tonight.
TF North highschool
Noise theory, Sleeping with silence, Burned by her,
3 bean soup, Highjack the world, Skylit ignition,
Bi-Polar, Tacturn success.
755 Pulaski Rd. Calumet City, IL. 60409
$3 - Time 5:45/6:00
::edit::
 .
You're sweet, but not naive - though you like to be babied like a child at times. You prefer to have a bad boy by your side, but sometimes have problems understanding why he has to run off to take care of business. You want to settle down, yet deep down inside, you are excited by the surprises life throws your way.
Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.
|
She's my favorite. <33
|
|
| thats fucked up. |
[20 May 2004|09:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
dead |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
whoa oh oh. for the longest time. |
] |
I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
Man, Nightmare on Elm Street 5 is fucked up.
Sometimes I wish I could use the phrase "fucked up" all the time. I can easily use it with my friends, but I can't use language like that in front of adults. I can't be that disrespectful. But if people weren't offended by swearing my life would be so much easier.
When someone asks me about something, or how I'm feeling, I normally want to respond with "That's fucked up." or "I'm fucked up." (Of course not literally, I don't drink or do drugs or anything...) But it would make things so much better. Fucked up and Corrie go hand in hand. (Pretend fucked up had some hands.)
I'm telling you, I really am fucked up.
So is "28 Days Later". I watched that today, too. It really was pretty fucked up.
So I was bored yesterday and I took some "summer" pictures, even though it was pretty cold out yesterday.
( you'll have to excuse me, I'm obsessed with feet and skin. )
Whatevs.
|
|
| if you was my babay |
[16 May 2004|08:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
'effin chingy, bitches |
] |
This update is yet another boring one, but I need to write these down somewhere so I can remember where.
Bottom Lounge
French Kicks -- May 25
Underoath/Fear Before The March of Flames -- June 19
Blood Brothers -- July 4
MU330 -- August 21
Metro
M.Ward -- May 21
Metric -- May 28
Murder By Death/Minus the Bear -- May 29
Piebald/The Jealous Sound -- June 3
Aquabats -- June 11
Fireside
Tower of Rome -- June 11 June 6
Xiu Xiu -- July 24
House of Blues
Hepcat/Deals Gone Bad -- May 28
I'll probably end up going to the ones in bold. Man, this summer is going to be awesome. I wish I could go to all those shows. Plus Cornerstone would be so sweet this year. Instead, I'll probably go to warped, because it's going to be awesome this year. Minus all the annoying people. That's gonna suck.
Lollapalooza will rock as well. Hopefully I can go.
Lollapalooza 2004 Lineup July 29-30, tweeter center, Chicago
Day 1
Morrissey, Sonic Youth, PJ Harvey *, Le Tigre, Modest Mouse,
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Von Bondies, Broken Social Scene,
The Walkmen, Wolf Eyes, Danger Mouse, Datsuns, Sparta, DJ Peretz
Day 2
String Cheese Incident, Flaming Lips, Gomez, Polyphonic Spree, The Thrills, Fire Theft, The Coup, Sound Tribe Sector 9, Elbow, Wheat, DJ Peretz
oh hell.
What about warped? Might as well. This is a show post.
Chicago Warped - July 24/Tweeter Center
( long warped band list. I don't want to kill your friends page. )
Shit. I won't get to see half of the bands I want to see. I hope to see Thursday, Lars, anti-flag, nofx and alk3 mostly. God, warped is going to be so awesome. NOFX is awesome live and so is anti-flag.
I can't wait for this summer.
|
|
| [x] |
[09 May 2004|07:22pm] |
The truth is, I don't ever want things to change. I mean, I do want to get married and grow up one day. But when all that happens, I want it to be exactly like it is right now. I like the way I think right now. Of course, I hate the random fits of depression I occasionally go into, but the intervals between are getting larger. Without that, I'm perfectly content with who I am. I know that I have a miraculous talent when it comes to lying, and I know that needs to end. But when I'm just thinking to myself, or even talking to him, I'm okay. And really that's all that matters. For the longest time, I wasn't sure things were going to work out. I didn't think he'd come to Chicago for school and I assumed things were going to end, probably this summer. But my pessimism has been proved wrong. It was effed in the a, so to speak. Served. (I love South Park allusions.)
The point of this ramble is just this: The way my life is right now is good. I'm happy, I really am. I know a few days ago I was sad. But that was just me being overly emotional. I'm terrific at being overly emotional. Now that something good has finally happened for me, I can start to look forward to the future. Finally the losing streak has ended, or so I think. And if I'm correct in thinking so, I can be optimistic. For once. Forever. I'm really happy, and you're the cause. I never thought I'd have a male to thank for my happiness. But I do. And I love you so much for it.
|
|
|
[04 May 2004|03:33pm] |
1. Go to your 23rd entry (roughly)
2. Go to your 5th sentence
3. Type it here
4. Pass this meme along.
"Caleb is to visit next weekend, I'm much more excited about that."
<3 how lovely.
|
|
| when you ask is something wrong, I think your damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now. |
[02 May 2004|10:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Death Cab for Cutie // Tiny Vessels |
] |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) oh_oh_romance
new layout. I hate it, I'm sure I'll change it soon.
besides that: nothing is going on. I had planned to go see Martin's play this afternoon but I don't think that can be arranged.
This song always makes me sad.
It reminds me of an ISS I had this year. It was the day after I got this CD and I listened to it the whole day, even thought we're not allowed to have CD players in ISS. I hate ISS.
I'm kind of sad that this year is coming to an end, school-wise, of course. Tina and I were reflecting on our highschool career so far, and we started talking about how we wish we would have actually tried. How we wish we would have cared about our grades so we can actually go to a nice college. Then we figured even if we could go away for school, we wouldn't. We would be too scared.
I'm never leaving northwest Indiana. I fucking love it here. I love everyone here. Every other place I've ever been, I've hated.
I love Chicago, I love Illinois, I love Indiana. I swear I'm never leaving this little corner of the country ever. Unless I move to Europe.
Which I won't...
|
|
| You make me want to wear dresses. |
[01 May 2004|08:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
madly in love |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dropkick. |
] |
The SATs are fucking lame. I think I did bad. I'm scared.
Last night was Rock & Roll Prom. I'm actually glad I didn't go. I was a little jealous when everyone was buying dresses and talking about it in their xangas..haha. But I think it would have been just a bunch of scene kids in checks and polka dots. Maybe I'll go next year, you know when Caleb is HERE.
I'm so fucking excited that he'll be here. In case you didn't know, he got accepted and is for sure going to Columbia. Instead of 300 miles from me, he'll be 30. Instead of four hours, he'll be 20 minutes. I couldn't be happier. I'm so in love with him.
Oh, fuck. I can't get over this happiness. But, is that something to complain about?
|
|
| xxx |
[25 Apr 2004|12:21pm] |
|
I came back for Marck and Andy.
|
|
| sonic the hedge to the hog. |
[22 Apr 2004|04:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
poetic. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
azure ray. |
] |
( This ) is my latest obsession.
Well. I can't wait to get my report card on Saturday.. oh yeah, wait. I can. I did so terrible this last six weeks. I'm really ashamed. The only part that I'm truly angry about is my English grade. I actually work hard in that class and I got a D+. I'm so pissed off it's not even funny. But what can I do? Really, nothing. I'd rather not argue with Mr. Lehneher. I've always had trouble arguing with teachers. Besides, he's a smart guy. I respect him. I'm just really dissapointed. I'll do fine this last six weeks though. We're reading Catcher in the Rye, starting Monday I believe... That will be a piece of cake since I've already read it and analyzed it myself. I'm excited to see what Lehneher has to say about it though. I really haven't had an intelligent conversation with ANYONE about the book since I've read it.
Oh well. I'm doing well in Chemistry also. Molarity equations, pssh. That's nothing.
Besides that, nothing has been happening. I need to work on my final draft of my research paper though... That should be interesting.
|
|
| sweet. |
[20 Apr 2004|10:50pm] |
Wow. I was a depressed cat. That sort of depresses me now... as a human.
|
|
|
[17 Apr 2004|11:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
chasing amy. kill me now.
I cried during the part that you love. I miss you.
|
|
|
[17 Apr 2004|09:25pm] |
|
I LOVE YOU
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
alone